The Official Dirty Johnny Jokebook

What does he do?”“Every Saturday morning, for five dollars, he sucks my cock.”The sex-education teacher drew a penis on the blackboard and asked the class, “does anybody know what this is?”Dirty Johnny stands up and says, “It's ...

Author: Rob Loughran

Publisher: Createspace Independent Pub

ISBN: 9781490419886

Category: Humor

Page: 54

View: 905

“Can I,” Dirty Johnny asked his mother, “have some money for candy?”“What happened to the five-dollar allowance I give you every Saturday?” asked mom.“I've been giving it to the old homeless man in the park.”Mom is so proud of her son. His charity and giving spirit; his humanity. She opens her wallet and hands him a five dollar bill. “I'm very proud of you Johnny, sharing the way you have been. But this money you keep for yourself. If you continue giving money to the homeless they'll never get a job.”“But this homeless guy has a job.”“Really? What does he do?”“Every Saturday morning, for five dollars, he sucks my cock.”The sex-education teacher drew a penis on the blackboard and asked the class, “does anybody know what this is?”Dirty Johnny stands up and says, “It's a cock. My dad has two of them.”“Your father has two penises?” asked the teacher.“Yeah. The little one he pisses out of and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth.” A pit bull chased Dirty Johnny up a tree. The owner came by and said, “Sorry kid. I was bringing him to the vet's to have his balls snipped. The operation will calm him down, this will never happen again.”“I have a better idea, asshole,” said Johnny. “Why don't you remove his teeth? I could see from a block away he wasn't going to fuck me.”Dirty Johnny calls up the principal and says, “I'm sick and can't come to school today.” “Johnny,” asks the principal, “how sick are you?”“I just,” says Johnny, “fucked my grandma up the ass is that sick enough for you?”“Okay class,” says the teacher, “I'm going through the alphabet and I'm going to call on someone for the letters a, b, c, and so on. When called upon, say a word that starts with that letter then use that word in a sentence.” Immediately, Dirty Johnny's hand is in the air but the teacher can't call on him because he'll say ass, then bitch, cunt, damn, excrement, fuck, goddam, horseshit, intercourse, jackin' off etc. Finally she gets to z. There's no swear word that starts with z. so she calls on Dirty Johnny who says, “Z. Zoo. Last summer I went to the zoo and saw an elephant that had the biggest fucking cock I have ever seen.” The civics teacher said, “Class, I am going to tell you every attribute you need to have in order to be elected president of the United States.”“Fucking liar,” said Dirty Johnny.“That, ironically, is number one on the list.”Dirty Johnny got an electric train for Christmas. He quickly assembled the train and began playing conductor: “All aboard, you assholes. All whores sit in the aisle seats. That will facilitate all the cock sucking you'll be doing today.”“Johnny,” said his mother, rushing in from the kitchen, “you turn that train off and sit in the corner for a half hour. Using language like that!”A half hour later Johnny switches his train back on and says, “Good day and welcome to DFJ railways. I hope you enjoy your journey; if there are any complaints about the delay in service you can talk to the fucking bitch in the kitchen.” A behavioral psychologist devised an experiment to test how quickly children can associate color with taste. The experiment consisted of placing a bowl of Life Savers in front of a group of second graders. After a few tries the kids would say: “Red tastes just like cherry. Yellow tastes just like pineapple. Green…Lime, Orange…Orange.”Then he gave them a honey Life Saver, but none of them could identify it. He said, “I'll give you a hint. This flavor is something your mommy calls your daddy.”Dirty Johnny said, “Spit them out! He's feeding us assholes.” Dirty Johnny says to his neighbor, “Mom's sick and I need $100 to check her into the hospital.”“How do I know,” says the neighbor, “that you won't spend the money on drugs?”“Fuck you,” says Johnny. “I've got drug money.”Many many many more sick and twisted Dirty Johnny jokes inside...

The Biggest Joke Book Ever

4%5) Little Johnny's next door neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately the baby was
born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the new parents
invited Little Johnny's family over to see the new baby. Little Johnny's parents ...

Author: Jack Jacoby

Publisher: Trafford Publishing

ISBN: 1425145418

Category:

Page: 688

View: 683

An amazing collection of thousands of jokes - great for any occasions or just to get a great belly-laugh.

The Thoroughly Tasteful Dirty Joke Book

little girl and boy are taking a bath . She ' s looking at him curiously and says , "
Hey Johnny , what ' s that ? " ' Johnny says , “ I don ' t know . " " Well , can I play
with it ? " Susie asks . “ No way , ” says Johnny . " Why not ? " “ Cause you ' re too
 ...

Author: Shelli Sonstein

Publisher: Stein & Day Pub

ISBN: 9780812862157

Category: Sex

Page: 129

View: 891

The jokes focus on the funnier facets of sex and make their points in unobjectionable language

The Unofficial Joke Book of USA

Little Johnny asked his mom what his sister had between her legs. His mother did
not know how to explain to him, so she said, "Just think of it as a garage." Little
Johnny then asked: "What do l have between my legs?" "Well, just think of it as a
 ...

Author: Billoo Badhshah

Publisher: Diamond Pocket Books (P) Ltd.

ISBN: 9788128805585

Category:

Page: 128

View: 470


Internet Joke Book Volume Three

hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asked curiously, “What ya doin' dad?” His father quickly replied, “I
thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed. Little Johnny replied, “What ya gonna
do, ...

Author: Keith Evans

Publisher: Xlibris Corporation

ISBN: 1465327940

Category: Humor

Page: 140

View: 841

The Internet Joke Book - Volume Three comes jam-packed with blooming jokes, queer stories, and the most facetious of satires gathered from throughout the United States and abroad, collected and compiled specifically for your enjoyment. Beyond the books jacket, (cover) you will come across page after zany page of amusing, hilarious, and gut-wrenching witticisms. The jokes within this book being of brand-new, and, of course, age-old are nonetheless hilarious and ludicrous! This book was not tailor-made for younger readers, and various content may be inappropriate. After all, any book of this nature should forever rest with the judgement of the parent or guardian. I myself being a single parent, would recommend that some of the contents of this book not be disclosed to any reader under the age of sixteen. In any event, there are parents who chose to allow children as young as fourteen or fifteen to take in the contents of this book. Again, this is not recommended by the author. I can only hope that all my readers enjoy and receive as much delight from this book as we, my daughter and I had, while assembling it. My daughter, Angila and I, are now working hard to see that our series, Internet Joke Book, continues to bring world wide enjoyment.

Contemporary Authors

Author: Gale Research Company

Publisher: Gale / Cengage Learning

ISBN: 9780810319806

Category: Literary Criticism

Page: 504

View: 308

This volume of Contemporary Authors® New Revision Series brings you up-to-date information on approximately 250 writers. Editors have scoured dozens of leading journals, magazines, newspapers and online sources in search of the latest news and criticism. Writers appearing in this volume include: Elizabeth Biship Erica Jong Jack Kerouac Roger Zelazny

The Fool s Best Joke Book Volume 1

Little Johnny One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parent's
room to check it out. He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser
and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink
as ...

Author: Neil Hutchison

Publisher: Proglen Trading Co., Ltd.

ISBN: 6167817375

Category: Humor

Page:

View: 159

Welcome to the world of humour. What makes human beings laugh can be broadly defined under three headings: someone else's misfortune, someone else's misunderstanding or someone else's stupidity. The keywords here are "someone else's" because, let's face it, most silly things are much funnier when they happen to someone else. Neil Hutchison, creator of The Fool in Paradise, has collected thousands of jokes, then catalogued and listed them in this first volume of the Fool's Best Jokes. Now the many fans of the Fool will not have to be told that the jokes will veer away from political correctness until they are travelling in the absolute opposite direction. Now, if you have never read any of the many books about the Fool be prepared to be shocked. This book is not recommended to be read in situations where others may report you for laughing and talking to yourself. It's not recommended for those of a more liberal bent, be it feminism or any other trendy ism. The author refuses to take responsibility for any medical problems that this book may engender in readers. Life is ShortBreak the Rules Forgive Quickly Love Truly Laugh Uncontrollably ... and ... Never Regret Anything That Made You Smile

Official Cat Lovers Dog Lovers Joke Book

The teacher asked her little pupils to tell about their acts of kindness to dumb
animals . After several several heart - stirring stories , the teacher asked little
Johnny if he had anything to tell . " Well , ” he replied proudly , “ I kicked a boy
once for ...

Author: Larry Wilde

Publisher: Pinnacle Books

ISBN: 9781558170339

Category: American wit and humor

Page: 196

View: 943


The Ultimate Jewish Joke Book

Author: Larry Wilde

Publisher: Bantam Books

ISBN: 9780553262278

Category: Humor

Page: 185

View: 753

Gathers jokes about hospitals, doctors, vacationers, bets, marriage, actors, psychiatrists, teachers, businessmen, spoiled young women, grandparents, and children

The Official W A S P Joke Book

Author: Larry Wilde

Publisher: Bantam

ISBN: 9780553270693

Category: American wit and humor

Page: 183

View: 760

Close the country club and mix the martinis. Larry Wilde has climbed to the top of the ladder of laughs. From preppies to preplings, Harvard to the Hamptons, readers will pop their button-downs over his wackiest collection of racy wit yet.

Paperbound Books in Print

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Category: Editions

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The Larry Wilde Library of Laughter

BOOKS BY LARRY WILDE The Official W . A . S . P . Joke Book The Official All
America Joke Book The Ultimate Lawyers Joke ... The Official Sports Maniacs
Joke Book The Absolutely Last Official Sex Maniacs Joke Book The Official Book
of John Jokes The Official ... The Last Official Italian Joke Book The Official Cat
Lovers / Dog Lovers Joke Book The Official Dirty Joke Book The Last Official
Polish Joke ...

Author: Larry Wilde

Publisher:

ISBN: 9780945040002

Category: American wit and humor

Page: 249

View: 626

A collection of the funniest gags, quips, and stories by America's best-selling humorist.

Ethnic Humor Around the World

Whittam , John Richard ( 1977 ) The Politics of the Italian Army 1861 – 1918 ,
London , Croom Helm . Wholly Libel , The ( 1978 ) ... Wilde , Larry ( 1978B ) The
Official Dirty Joke Book , Los Angeles , Pinnacle . Wilde , Larry ( 1978C ) The Last
 ...

Author: Christie Davies

Publisher:

ISBN:

Category: Humor

Page: 404

View: 793

Features a scholarly study of various societies' hostile humor. This book takes a serious look at humor, drawing on the work of psychologists, folklorists, and philosophers, but also is intended for those who are curious as to why we laugh at ethnic jokes.

The Illustrated Campaign Hayes Song and Joke Book

... be happy yet , if Shammy gets a show For offices , oh , hol offices , oh , hol ' Tis
for the little offices we're going for to go . ... Hayes of O - h - i - o ; We'll circumvent
John Davenport , and then New York will 20 HAYES SONG AND JOKE BOOK .

Author: Rutherford Birchard Hayes

Publisher:

ISBN:

Category:

Page:

View: 660


Catalog of Copyright Entries

Author: Library of Congress. Copyright Office

Publisher:

ISBN:

Category: Copyright

Page:

View: 148


The Official Sports Maniacs Joke Book

Author: Larry Wilde

Publisher:

ISBN: 9780553250817

Category: Humor

Page: 181

View: 241

Gathers jokes and humorous stories about baseball, basketball, bowling, fishing, football, golf, hockey, horse racing, hunting, and tennis

The Official Executives Joke Book

... the wall of her john . ” * - * * Miss Zabinski was in the pleasure - selling
business . On the way to Las Vegas her car broke down on a muddy country road
, and a passing farmer stopped to fix it for her . Afterwards she offered to give him
a little ...

Author: Larry Wilde

Publisher: Bantam Books

ISBN: 9780553254228

Category: American wit and humor

Page: 185

View: 242


50 Shades of Key

Author: Paul Little

Publisher:

ISBN: 9780473242480

Category: New Zealand

Page: 48

View: 612


Books in Print

Author:

Publisher:

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Category: American literature

Page:

View: 745


The American Catalogue

joke book . 8o . pap . , 10c ..... Happy . John Jack . Peebles , M. L. $ 1.25 . Joe
Witless ; or , the call to repentance . 16o . $ 1 . John Jasper's secret . Morford , H.
... 16o . 73 . See also Little door - keeper's lib . 75c . Scribner . Johann v . Leyden
.

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Category: American literature

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View: 342